All boxed in their separate files,
I face a screen of sixteen smiles
As I zone in and the questions roll in,
Out of habit, my face breaks into a grin
But how honest, how happy was I within
Looking back, these moments felt forced in my skin
Hitting the ten minute break,
I mindlessly grab my phone to take,
The notification, taking my breath away
My eyes gloss over the concerning text
Panicking, what should I do next?
My hands speed straight to the news outbreak
To the headings, screaming of anger and heartache
During this ten minute break,
My mind clings toward the cloudy awake
My body soon registers, then turning fake
No one braced me for this bad day,
No one tapped me, asking if I’m okay
Nowhere to escape, thoughts trapped here to stay
Becoming one with the separate files
I soon resumed to those sixteen smiles
Having no closure, finding no peace,
I turn off my camera for temporary release
Glossy eyes wait for my decision,
But tears well up, clouding my vision
The burden of my fears
Shift my energy to tears
Still in session, I close my laptop
Please. Just make everything stop.
Love, Juliana Hung
"Screen of Smiles" is my reaction to the Atlanta shooting when I was sitting in my online classroom. The "screen" refers to the zoom's grid, but the "screen of smiles" refers to how isolated and secluded I felt when my classmates were externally laughing while I was internally crying. The laptop is a symbol throughout the piece because it guides the progression of my deteriorating emotions. This poem is a frozen yet broken scene, and to all Asian Youth, this submission allows me to be open... to be clean.
Biography:
Juliana is a 17 year old student with a passion for writing to reimagine a story. Along with being an amateur/aspiring poet, she reads Marie Lu, cooks Food Network recipes, and doodles with 6B graphite in her free time. Musicians that inspire her writing are Taylor Swift, Anson Seabra, and Olivia Rodrigo.
Instagram: @juliana.k.hung
Cover Photo Source: CNN